285: Squashing Beef, Running Miles, & Facing Mortality

What keeps someone grinding when facing a terminal diagnosis? In this episode, Kevin shares a powerful morning jog with his 79-year-old biological father, who is currently battling Stage 4 cancer with a colostomy bag yet still hitting the pavement every day at 8:15 AM.

Nole and Kevin dive deep into the uncomfortable but necessary reality of mortality, examining why people choose to lean in rather than check out, how lifelong habits shape our final seasons, and the profound peace found in faith, presence, and letting go of old grudges. To wrap things up, Nole recaps a family trip to Arizona featuring "trashy" tacos, javelinas, and coatimundi sightings, followed by details on the upcoming 9/11 Memorial Stair Climb.

Big thank you to My Epic and Facedown Records for the use of their song "Hail" in our podcast!
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Transcript

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Kevin (02:43.274)

My biological father is 79 years old and he's stage four cancer. And you know, there's been some my experience with death is always super challenging, but there's also a lot of beauty in it. Because when my mom got sick with us and it was clear that her end was near, there was periods of time that there was no like resentment or no whatever, and we were able to squash like

Nole (02:49.356)

Yeah.

Nole (02:58.446)

Mm.

Kevin (03:12.426)

Decades old beef. And like I just saw her as a human being, not as some person that you put up on a pedestal for a long time. And then the great Pops, who has probably one of my favorite episodes on here, who was highly involved in our fire up program. And you know, when he was diagnosed and they gave him a six month to live stage four cancer with six coromorbidities.

Nole (03:13.622)

Mm.

Kevin (03:40.223)

you know, like almost everything went out the window communication wise. And we just it wasn't a father-son thing anymore. It was just like bro out time. It was like I called every day, we talked every day. When I drive home, I have an hour and a half commute or so. And that was the first phone call. We now if anybody knew Pops, he could fill an hour and a half of talking easily. And so but it's it's interesting. I'm not

Nole (03:44.418)

Yeah.

Kevin (04:08.478)

It's sad to watch these people get frail and my dad is my biological father now is ill. But you know, we had a chance today, this morning, that he lives close by and he's still he's still out there doing a two to three mile walk jog. And I know he does this. Our kids see him as we we drive past to go to school. There's this little tiny white Irishman running around.

Nole (04:30.35)

Mm.

Nole (04:38.658)

Ha ha.

Kevin (04:39.42)

And my hat is off to him. He literally has a colostomy bag because it's colorectal cancer. And so if if you guys know a colostomy bag, but he's got his shoes on and he's got his grinding and he's got strava on. He's trying to get his mile time down. And so this morning it was just happened to be one of those unicorn mornings where he's very regimented with his thing and he always always goes at eight fifteen on the dot. This is never a good time to go.

Nole (04:44.643)

Yeah.

Kevin (05:07.392)

For us, if I'm home, that's the time the kids go to school. I'd like to get them out the door, breathe life into them, help them with their homework, whatever. But this morning the kids were all dialed, they were ready early, breakfast made, homework done. And I said, Hey, are you going on your run walk? And he's like, Yeah, I'm leaving at eight fifteen. And I'm like, I'm coming up. And I just threw on some shorts and dude, my man's putting in

he walks the first mile and walk in quotation at fourteen minute mile. The second mile he kind of turns it up a little bit and does a couple intervals. And the third mile, he's doing hit. We're like we're doing sprinting for thirty now his version at seventy nine with stage four and a colossomy bag. We ended up doing a twelve minute mile, because, you know, and of all the things, you know, we haven't had always the best relationship. It's been

Nole (05:38.55)

wow.

Nole (05:55.446)

That's rad.

Kevin (06:03.254)

a lot of tough but it was like a really neat thing about squashing like old beef and just enjoying him as a man and I could see this is my biological father that the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree. You know what I mean? And that like it was really cool to watch somebody still like privately grinding in his own way. Yes he has chemo again his twelfth round, his bones hurt, you know

Nole (06:15.918)

Yeah, yeah.

Kevin (06:30.994)

Everything's happening and we really just didn't talk much because he was kind of grinding. I was able to bait like basically push him a little bit and pace him and he's like, that was great, man. We we got we got a fast last mile. We and we ended up doing three miles, and he's looking at a Strava. And now look, this was an easy thing for me. It was an easy workout. We did two 14 minute miles and one twelve, but it was really joyous to be out in the sun.

watching this old man and I celebrated him at the end of this, like he just won the marathon. You know what I mean?

Nole (07:03.554)

Yeah.

Nole (07:07.052)

Man, that brings up a lot.

I am really loud in my own ears. Do I sound abnormally loud on your side? Okay, good. I apologize. So, dude, right off the bat, I mean, it speaks volumes. I don't know if it's this way for for women, but it's so cool that as men, we can go out and do an activity like that, and there don't have to be a lot of words, but there's that connection there. There's that father to son.

Kevin (07:15.518)

Not even close.

Nole (07:40.877)

Healing, bonding, just that time together is super valuable. And that it doesn't have to be super wordy, but just being together in that scenario is is awesome. And it doesn't have to be dad's got stage four cancer to enjoy that type of that type of thing. I mean, that's why guys go golfing and fishing and you know, doing things like that together, because we don't always have a lot of words, and I think for most men, we just don't.

We really don't share the deeper stuff on a on a verbal level. We're not as good at it as the females. But that's so that's so encouraging and it's awesome. It's so good that you have that opportunity right now, especially with the the circumstances that your dad's going through. I mean, that's that's just an amazing blessing that he lives close, right? That you don't have to drive to another state to see him. You could just go around the block essentially. That's really cool. This brings up a question. Go ahead.

Kevin (08:37.878)

Yeah, no, go ahead and hit your question.

Nole (08:40.974)

Well it's a pretty serious question. So if you had the input on that, you do that first.

Kevin (08:45.492)

Yeah, so the interesting thing, nobody needs to get into the but I've you know, I had a thriving relationship with Pops, who was my stepdad, Lilian Broussard III, and he was you know, I I look back now and it was a very challenging upbringing, having, you know, you're living in multiple homes. But I look back at as a blessing. I had two dads. I had one giant black man who was just the salt of the earth, and I had this other dad who had that at many times I thought was neurotic and insane.

And very regimented, but I can see it now. I can see it now about the work ethic that he put in and the sacrifices that he made for us being a 47-year-old dad myself. And in the essentially the peak of my career where I'm trying to grind and provide. And I can see what he tried to do to his best ability with his pre existing conditions and afflictions. And it was very cool to like it was a very a lesson learned of like

Nole (09:23.662)

Mm.

Kevin (09:42.312)

Why am hanging on to anything? Why would I see anything? I saw this as a heroic man that helped raise me and form who I am today. And that to see him grinding, like it just seemed like we we just hit the day today and that all squashed beef was done. How can I help you? Can you need do you need me to pick you up from you know what I mean, chemo? And if there's anything on you know, it's it was just a very cool, I don't know, full circle moment where I saw w what a

What an amazing thing. Like I not putting that out there, but let's say you I know you, Noel. If there was something you had, some sort of coromorbidity or you're sick to have North pick you up and take you on a run and to help you with some of the medical things, as a father, I would I would that would be a dream, right? And have you created that relationship now and the support over the years where that is something that they would want.

Nole (10:24.79)

Hmm. Hmm.

Kevin (10:40.735)

To be there for you, be of service for you and be a bro. And just and that was definitely a bro moment. It wasn't a father son. He didn't need anything. We're just brown out. And there's this funny thing. My wife has three sisters. Your wife has sisters. They have to sit there and it's nonstop talking. Nobody gets a word in. This there's no silence at all. And they always said like, Hey, you and your dad just sat and watched the three hour football game.

Nole (10:42.606)

Mm.

Nole (11:04.728)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kevin (11:10.451)

Nobody said a word. And we got up and gave each other a hug and said, That was super fun. We should do that again next and that that's it. Like men need kind of an activity. It doesn't need to be vocalized. It just doesn't need we barely said any words 'cause he was out of breath most of the time. And we both felt like that was really powerful.

Nole (11:14.37)

That was the best time.

Nole (11:28.718)

Yeah.

Nole (11:32.963)

Man, I got two questions now. So you've been through losing pops, you've been through losing your mom, and now you're dealing with this with your dad. And maybe we don't really have the answer to this question, but the question for me becomes why do people like those three individuals in your life, why do they keep pushing? Why do they keep driving? Why not just

Kevin (11:35.177)

here we

Nole (12:02.924)

Give up when you know that it's stage four cancer and you've got six months, like they told Pops. What is it inside of those people that makes them keep going? Because it seems like it would be super easy, and maybe that's not the right way to say it. That's probably making too light of it. But I think there's probably a lot of people that would default to just, I'm done checking out on the couch, definitely not going out and

And doing three miles on a I'm I know it's warm in Marietta even in the morning. Not to mention all the other stuff that that Pops and your mom did with the family and that, you know, why? Why keep going?

Kevin (12:47.433)

Think it's different for every person that the three people, my parents that I've seen, that have gone through this. So my mom had cardiac failure, so she had no cardiac output and needed a heart transplant. And so she could walk five steps and be out of breath or have a syncable episode. So she's not grinding. But there was a mental spirit and there was a emotional spirit to say she was going to seize the day and be the grass.

Nole (12:55.79)

Yeah.

Nole (13:02.926)

Mm-hmm.

Kevin (13:12.809)

Grandparent she's you've ever seen on the planet and be so unbelievably present, like cell phone turned off, sitting on the floor, playing blocks with my children for 12 hours. that was her fight. That was her her essentially her grinding. Pops, if you've ever heard him talk, had more than 8,700 people that called him his best friend, right? And so what he pushed in now like part of his problem, he was.

Nole (13:37.547)

Yeah.

Kevin (13:42.41)

Diabetic, hypertension, high cholesterol, eight eighteen other comorbidities. So he wasn't out there grinding miles. In fact, we were always mad at him that he wasn't doing nothing. But what he did what he did do is he had almost every person all day long. We looked at his phone after he passed and there was just hundreds of thousands of calls and messages. My biological dad, who I ran this with this morning, I feel like he's grinding

Nole (14:04.27)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kevin (14:12.105)

Because this is what he's done for 50 years. This guy, before exercise was a thing, before there was podcasts, before there was nothing, he was the one that said, I gotta get the demon out of me. That's where I got getting the demon out of you. And so he worked as a high school principal, and either in the morning or late evening, he's doing laps, your high school principal after work.

Nole (14:15.406)

Mm.

Nole (14:22.316)

Yeah, yeah.

Nole (14:29.602)

Yeah, yeah.

Kevin (14:41.363)

Is doing laps on the high school track. And he was always pushing. He was always pushing to get his mile time down, to get his, you know, how many pull ups and push up. He always did calisthenics. He's done this for 50 years. He's not gonna stop. This is who he is. This is the habit that he formed that became his identity. And if you see him, there is I I've taken him to some of his appointments and gone to the treatment, which is super depressing.

Nole (14:55.234)

Yeah.

Nole (15:10.722)

Yeah. Yeah.

Kevin (15:10.823)

Everybody's hooked up doing chemo. His oncologists are saying there is one person out of all the people that I've ever met that has stage four cancer with a colostomy bag continuing to run. There's one you, that's it. And the he didn't start this like when he got stage four. He started this fifty years ago and he can. And so that gives me hope because we talk about habit formation.

Nole (15:22.902)

Mm.

Yeah.

Nole (15:32.323)

Right.

Kevin (15:37.822)

And that the things that you do become who you are. So Noel does CrossFit. And even though that's not his identity, people know Noel now as the functional fitness guy. And I believe that like the habits that we form now, good and bad, will last us, I think, your whole life, you know? And obviously I think this is helping him through a horrific mental

physical, emotional battle, I think he still has his thing. That's one of his tools that he uses and he's used for his whole life to manage stress, to stay in shape, to do all the things.

Nole (16:20.834)

Yeah. Yeah, and I guess I kind of made that sound like the physicality part of that was was really the the whole thing. But obviously in the context of Pops and your mom, the physicality wasn't the thing, but the relationships were. And I mean, either way, they're you know, all three individuals that we're kinda talking about right now are are leaning in and are still doing things, being functional, whether that's you know, getting down on the ground with your girls and

Playing blocks reading books, or with pops talking to everybody in the world, or your dad out getting after it, you know, physically, even though any doctor would tell him, probably you need to slow down, you need to take it easy, you need to give your body rest. But all of those things, each one of those examples, those are all those are all optional. And it would be pretty easy and understandable to to kind of disconnect and pull away from those things.

instead of leaning into them. So then that that comes that brings me to the next question.

When it's your time to go, we're all gonna go, right? We're all gonna die. Nobody gets out of this thing alive. When it's your c when it's your time, do you wanna go slow and know that you're going, or do you wanna go suddenly where it's a surprise? Have you ever thought about this?

Kevin (17:47.26)

I have. And you know, when you're younger, the adages live fast, die young, right? Like you want to go out in a blaze of glory, you know. I'm sure if you were an army Yeah, and I'm sure if you were a ranger at the time you died, you know, in a firefight, like that's, you know, what movies would say would be the most respectable thing.

Nole (17:54.711)

Right. Yeah. Yeah. Here for a good time, not a long time.

Nole (18:06.85)

Yeah, a blaze of glory, yeah.

Nole (18:12.236)

Right. That didn't happen, yeah.

Kevin (18:14.387)

Now listen, I've seen from experience myself, we took in Harmony's a hundred-year-old grandmother who was destitute to the state of Arizona. We put her on hospice and brought her to our house. At a at a hundred years old, she every person in her life besides Harmony has passed away. That seems sad to me. And she had dementia and Alzheimer's.

Nole (18:23.212)

Right.

Nole (18:26.818)

Yeah.

Nole (18:33.624)

Hm. Wow.

Yeah.

Mm. Right.

Kevin (18:41.031)

And so one day she would know what house she's in, and the next day she'd have no idea why she was in some strange family's house in Murietta. That seemed really difficult. That isn't what I would want. But I do think seeing how Pops reacted to his cancer diagnosis, now he beat his six month, you know, death sentence that they gave him by about a year and a half. But he took that as an opportunity.

Nole (18:47.938)

Yeah, yeah.

Mm.

Nole (19:03.958)

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Kevin (19:11.003)

Like that country music. I win ska that feel I win. But and so I don't know. We never I don't know if I there's no guarantee I wake up tomorrow. Like no guarantee. And yes, I should live my day, be completely present, and say if there was no tomorrow, what would today look like? What would I care about? I care about my friends and my family only, right? And

Nole (19:14.75)

Right, right, right. Ro Rocky Mountain climbing, yeah.

Kevin (19:38.934)

Probably my relationship with Christ to make sure that that is right, you know, and I can but I do think somewhere in the middle of those two is where I would prefer now. Knowing that I have zero control, my time could end tomorrow, God could call me home. Somewhere in the bit now, do I want, I would love to be a grandfather. I look at your dad, Jeff Lilly, as like how many grandkids does he have?

Nole (19:53.464)

Right, of course.

Nole (20:01.998)

Mm.

Nole (20:09.918)

Well I don't know. I just know that when my parents tell other people how many grandkids they have, people don't believe them. I'd have to do math. I you know I can't do that on the spot.

Kevin (20:19.945)

Yeah. And it seems like your dad and your mom, they have done unbelievable ministry work and to see how he pours into the kids and you and the rest, I'm like, that seems to me like a full circled life, a life well lived, you know, and so yes, I would love to see my daughters get married. I would love to be a grandparent. I would love to be in that season of life at one point. And so if I had to choose, which I don't

Nole (20:40.259)

Yeah.

Kevin (20:48.253)

I would love to get at least to that point in my life. What about you?

Nole (20:54.412)

My dad, who

I finish this note or I'll forget.

Nole (21:02.188)

When I grew up my dad would talk about

The fact that he wanted to die slowly. But he didn't in the he didn't mean it in the context of like a slow, long drawn-out illness, I don't think. I think he just meant, well, no, I don't think. I know. He just meant that whenever it was, however he was going, he wanted to know in the moment that he was dying that he was dying. So he didn't want to die in his bed, you know, he didn't want to go to sleep and wake up dead. And his reasoning was, and he he would say this tongue in cheek, but he was also deadly serious.

But his reasoning was death is something that as human beings we only get to experience one time. And so he wanted to experience it. He wanted to know like, I'm I'm going out. I think there's a another level of that question. And I never really got into a a th philosophical discussion with my dad about this. I just thought it was a pretty savage, kind of hardcore thing to believe and to to say. So I adopted that as my own. I said, I, you know, I've said that. I've probably said it on the podcast.

Kevin (21:45.491)

Wow.

Nole (22:05.08)

that I feel the same way that like I wanna know I'm going out. But when you take it and you kind of extrapolate it further out into, you know, an extended illness essentially is the the context where you would really know like I have six months or whatever they give you.

That does give you the opportunity to lean into, like you said, your relationship with Christ, your relationship with your friends and family, to rebuild bridges, to do all that stuff. It gives you that opportunity. But what comes with that opportunity is suffering. Right? None of the none of the individuals that pass away like that, which is so many people in our lives, that it's not easy. It's not an easy road. In fact, for a lot of them, it it's hellish. It's very awful, physically, mentally, everything.

Kevin (22:37.021)

Mm.

Nole (22:51.266)

So you're buying, you're buying that chance and that opportunity with with suffering and pain, essentially, which I think is why a lot of people, when this comes up, and it's it's interesting how many times you can have this conversation because it does come up. There are, you know, everyone's aware. Some people are more honest about it than others, but death is a thing that gets talked about. I feel like most people you talk to say the same thing that they wanna, they wanna die asleep in bed. They want to wake up dead. And

I get that. I totally get that. The question though, beyond that, then becomes well, what do we do now? Because you you said it perfectly. I could not wake up tomorrow, right? I I can want to to die in this certain way. I can want to know ahead of time. I can want to have time. I can want whatever I want, but it's not up to me. You know, we could could die in a car accident on my way home from work tomorrow, or I could die an old man at ninety two from whatever.

I have no idea. So, but does that change how we live? Because I think a lot of people kind of assume that there'll be time for stuff later. You know, there'll be time to fix that relationship with my brother later on. I don't have to do that right now. But the reality is that we don't we don't know that. And we're not guaranteed a trip to the doctor where he says, Hey, Noel.

You've got four months to live. Get your affairs in order, right? We don't have that. And of course.

I think most of us I don't know. I shouldn't say most of us. I struggle with that part of it. I don't even know that I would want that.

Nole (24:36.236)

I don't know. It's an interesting opportunity. But I think that the lesson for us who are young

is live our lives ready, right? Be ready. And not not ready in the sense that, you know, I I'm gonna die tomorrow. I'm it's any minute now. It's gonna happen. So I gotta make sure everything's perfect. I'm financially ready. I'm I've got all my relationships in order. I never go to bed without everything dialed in. Like of course that's not realistic and that's not a healthy way to live either. But to never leave things out there hanging that would

Kevin (24:49.468)

Ready. Ready.

Nole (25:12.428)

be a regret for you or for the people around you if you did end up in a horrendous car accident or some other thing that took you, quote unquote, too soon. Which r also brings up a whole nother interesting topic, but

Kevin (25:27.849)

Well I this made me reflect this morning. I thought you brought up some great stuff. But I think it's reality that in a good way the fire department being a paramedic in Los Angeles has changed me. I was very scared of death or it's this unknown thing and culturally nobody talks about it. And the first time I remember touching a dead body and listening for an apical pulse was terrifying, right? And then trying to roll a body looking for lividity, you know.

Nole (25:40.227)

Yeah.

Nole (25:44.845)

Right.

Nole (25:52.546)

Yeah.

Nole (25:56.526)

Yeah.

Kevin (25:56.742)

rigidity, like I didn't that was uncomfortable. And now you can do it and have a sandwich on the way back from the call. It's I'm very comfortable with death. But that's also in a good way helped me realize that death is imminent for all of us. Right. And that walking through my own personal family members' deaths, like that's coming for me too. Right. And like I and so it almost gave me a peace to know that like one

That helped strengthen my faith to say, like, I I have to know. And there was a while in early Christianity, Noel, that like I thought good works, like if I did enough things, you could get to heaven. And I realized, like, you're not saved by good works. You're you're saved for good works. And that there's grace, right? And so as much as I fail every day in sin, and all the sins of my past, which were ample.

Nole (26:42.018)

Yeah, for sure.

Kevin (26:57.417)

Like he still saves me and I have grace and know with to the core of my being now where I am going is eternal bliss because I said a simple prayer in my heart and vocalized it in front of people. And so there's peace there that I'm not scared of death. Now, that doesn't mean I don't do some of the preparatory things. I noticed in some of my parents and siblings.

Nole (26:58.008)

Same.

Kevin (27:27.071)

They weren't cur they weren't prepared. And so like it forced me watching my mom pass away is that our family got a trust. Not because we have any assets, right? But it's because we do own a home. It would if I died tomorrow, it would be significantly challenging for my wife and daughters. So by getting a trust, putting some intention to that, having all of all the basically the house, whatever assets we do have, the cars.

And she has access to all those. Her life, my life insurance is in there. There's a PDF of it. And like I'm prepared to protect my family so that they can technically live. They would actually have more money in my death than they do now. And that she would be protected. She could keep the home. She could keep her lifestyle. And so it forced me to absolutely take like you brought it up, like I wouldn't.

Nole (28:18.028)

Yeah.

Kevin (28:23.207)

is kinda get some of my affairs in orders, knowing that I'll save, knowing I can't control anything. But to me it was a wise decision to say I'm gonna prepare for the inevitability. And that would actually help my wife quite a bit. It would help my daughters quite a bit. So anyways, there was a lot there.

Nole (28:42.988)

Yeah. No, you mean you bring up a really good point too in that

Christian perspective, the perspective of somebody who believes in Jesus and is saved is going to be naturally different than somebody who's not, right? Somebody who doesn't know or doesn't at least have a belief, a faith in what's going to happen afterward, that that changes the discussion entirely. Because there is a certain peace that comes with knowing that. And

You know, it's like I it's well summed up in Philippians one twenty-one, which is for me to live is Christ and to die is gain. So that's just the most basic, clearest way to say I'm gonna live for Christ, like Christ, and I'm gonna do everything I can in this life to to be worthy of the the sacrifice that he made for us, the grace that he gave us to save us, but that when I die, it's gonna be

It's gonna be gain. All that pain and that suffering and you know, everything that happens in life is temporary. And what comes after that is, you know, heaven, which is an encouraging thought and is something that folks that don't believe that, you know, they don't have that that assurance. And we obviously take that on faith, right? I've never been on the other side of death, but as much as I can know, I know.

what I believe and I know what many other people before me have believed and also what I've experienced in my own life. So I have faith in that. I have trust in that. There's another interesting aspect of death, since that's what we're talking about today. And this one is the concept that people go too soon. Right. You'll hear that when

Kevin (30:20.617)

Yeah.

Kevin (30:37.791)

Gone too soon.

Nole (30:38.806)

A young person dies. But even sometimes when someone who's like later on in life, you know, I'll give an example. My my grandma on my dad's side, I should know how old she was when she passed away, but I would guess she was in her mid to late sixties, which is young. And so in that context, even that is too soon. And my grandma on my mom's side also also passed away, much earlier than than most folks in

United States of America live to. But of course, you go, you go even younger, you go down into our age. Then of course, if you go down to children, right, we say that. We say, he went too soon, or they were taken too soon. And from our human perspective, that makes a lot of sense. You know, we should have had X amount of more years with this person. And we we feel in a sense robbed. But

The other interesting thing, the flip side of feeling that that comfort and assurance that comes from faith in Christ and knowing where we're going to go afterward also comes with the reality that nobody goes too soon. God has his plans, and his plans sometimes are you get a hundred and two years and you get seven months, right? And everything in between.

Kevin (32:02.346)

Right.

Nole (32:05.548)

And so there really isn't a too soon, not from God's perspective, right? From our perspective, it makes sense. But it's an interesting turn of phrase where we say, though, they went too soon. And really, the reality is no, probably not. And I don't know the difficult part of that question, then becomes well, what about if somebody takes their own life? Right. We have a lot of guys in our line of work, even recently, that have, you know, taken their own lives. It's a tragedy. You're right. Right. And

Kevin (32:30.301)

My own little brother.

Nole (32:38.284)

I don't know the answer to that question. I don't know how that works. That one's a hard one and I won't try to answer it. But but it is an interesting thing. And next time you hear somebody say that, don't interject and say, Well, it's actually not too soon. That's not helpful. But it's interesting to think about. And it's good it's good too if you happen to be in a place where you might be afraid of death or even afraid of your your loved ones, your your kids, your family.

Just recognizing that I can't I can't control that. I have to trust God enough in my in our context as believers. I have to trust God enough to know that He has a plan and that if it is Noel's time to go next week, there's not anything that anybody can do to stop that because that's God's plan. And that can be strangely comforting in a way. It's a little bit dark, but it can be it can be comforting. And of course, I'm sorry. I have to caveat this and say.

That doesn't mean that we live recklessly, right? It doesn't mean that I go and, you know, f free climb what's that rock? El Capitan, having never climbed anything like w we don't tempt fate. But anyway. I shouldn't throw stuff like that in there. We're not we're not like that on this podcast, but you know what I mean.

Kevin (33:41.673)

No.

Kevin (33:53.268)

No, I

Kevin (33:57.236)

I think it's good. You know, I used to hear old people and I do have life mentors in my life like Bink Joe Fulhaven or your dad or whoever who I I look up to and I say in a season of life if they're older that's where I'd wanna be and I always remember them like each season of life is great and you should cherish that and not wait for the next season, right? And I do think that this like I was I fought being in my late forties and like

When I had to go through injuries during the time of injury and being stuck in a nick collar, I'm like, this life sucks. It sucks being forty seven. I can't skydive. I can't do this. I can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't. But I realized that forced me, that you talked about it, that suffering, that pain forced me to rely on other things, not the things that used to give me peace, like CrossFit or signing up for a Highland Games or signing up for a triathlon or powerlifting. Those were like

The tools, I had to rely on relationships. I re had to rely on my faith. I re started reading the Bible more. I started pouring into the fire up program. Those gave me purpose. And so I don't know if that's correlated more than I think everything is. But if you're not saved by the good works, you're saved for good works. I feel like that's in correlation with you. I'm no longer skydiving. It's not appropriate for me at my age and my in-neck injuries.

But what I can do is I've it's a cool season finding my niche, my n ministry, which I think is in helping guys in the fire service or the first responder world or in the fire up program or even this podcast. It's good to know that. It's good to know that. And or maybe it's just being the ministry of presence, standing next to my dad as he's doing 14-minute miles with stage four. And that feels good.

that feels better than anything that I've ever done physically or accomplished or the gold medals, you know what mean? That feels better now and I'm more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have been, despite whatever little insecurities or whatever you've had carried your whole life. And so I can now see like, I see why your dad says like, you know, he has a death clock on his thing, on his desk. He had a the sands of time that was like

Nole (35:52.814)

Mm.

Nole (36:14.69)

Yeah. Yeah.

Kevin (36:18.515)

calculated how many days he had left on this earth. And I feel like he's a guy that lives in the moment.

Kevin (36:32.181)

Do I stop?

Nole (36:40.002)

Yeah, I'll stop this and then we'll come what time is it? Two o'clock. You gotta be done at three? Okay. We'll be back in like half an hour. We'll be able jump on and do a closing. Okay, I'll let you know when I come back. I will I'm gonna hit stop.

Kevin (36:45.011)

Yeah. Yeah, we got it. Love it.

Kevin (00:00.778)

Yeah.

Nole (00:01.55)

do a little rap. I mean, we just got interrupted by, you know, the vicissitudes of life, but this has been a good conversation. This is

I mean in our line of work we talk about death, but I think it's it's a good reflection. It's been good.

Kevin (00:13.111)

Can I ask you?

Kevin (00:20.779)

Noel's an educated man. How would you spell vicissitudes? How do you say?

Nole (00:22.903)

What?

I'm not a spelling man. I can use words that I read once or heard someone else say on a podcast. I can't spell Let's not be unreasonable.

Kevin (00:36.523)

All right. My take from this resentment is like drinking poison hoping the other person dies. That there's no reason to hold on to these things. There's probably scripture to follow this up. But it's been my experience that just being present and squashing old beef has been probably one of the most freeing things. Feels like chains have come off of decades old stuff. And that's been really good. I'm glad I'm going through this hard season and

Nole (00:44.567)

Mm-hmm.

Kevin (01:06.687)

On top of that, it also makes me reflect on my own existence and my own frailty and my own inevitable death. Knowing that we will die, I do have I have found it beneficial to take steps to prepare for that. And I think getting a living trust is one of them. If you own a house and you have maybe some life insurance, I think that's super beneficial. And then I think we can all try to be more present. Step three.

And say, if today's the last day, I'm glad I had a conversation with my best buddy Noel.

Nole (01:39.67)

Amen. Well said.

Kevin (01:44.705)

This has been the Fire You Carry podcast.

Nole (01:58.164)

Dude, I got a couple of things for you. We just got back from a four-day trip to Arizona. We're out there visiting our daughter, Avery. She's living out there at Tonto Rim Christian Camp. Tonto. Her and her boyfriend work out there. Rad Little Camp, really cool spot up in the mountains of Arizona. They're like 6,000 feet up. Really cool. with Tonto Rim. It's like near the state park.

Kevin (02:04.843)

Mm.

Kevin (02:21.249)

What city?

Kevin (02:26.699)

You forget that there is forest up in those areas. Yeah.

Nole (02:29.227)

Yeah, real forest. I think the closest the town they're closest to is called Payson. But I got two things for you about Arizona. One, if you travel to Arizona or anywhere further back to the east and you have the opportunity to go to Torchies Tacos, you need to go to Torchies Tacos. Their logo is like a little cherub looking devil character, so you'll know you're in the right place. When you go there, you got to get the Torches.

Kevin (02:48.05)

dear.

Nole (03:00.149)

Trailer Park Taco and you gotta tell make it trashy when you order it. Just just trust me, dude. It's a piece of fried chicken and then just the sauce and the cheese. It it's so good. We we went there twice. We ate there twice while were out there. Second thing, we saw some wildlife. We went out to a place that was like this big natural arch, like a cave underneath. Very cool. I think it's called Tonto Natural Bridge or something.

Kevin (03:05.613)

it's gonna be good already.

Gonna be good.

Nole (03:30.241)

But while we're out there we saw these Habalinas. You seen these?

Kevin (03:35.627)

No idea what.

Nole (03:37.237)

It's like a little pig. It looks like a little warthog. Apparently it's not actually a pig. I don't know. But it looks like a pig. Those were out running around, which was really fun to see. And then have you ever heard of a Cody Mundy? Probably pronouncing it right.

Kevin (03:40.449)

Kevin (03:53.301)

Why do I know that? I do know that if I've heard this reference before but I don't remember what it was.

Nole (03:58.166)

I'm not gonna belabel the story, but we're we're looking at these little pigs on this grass, and then we notice there's all these people over by these buildings looking up at the trees. So we go over to see what they're looking at. I did not know that we had animals like this in North America. It looks like a a lemur. It's a it's up in the trees. It's got this long tail. It's eating this fruit. We saw a couple of them with their babies up in this tree, like just ten, fifteen feet away from us. And I had no idea we had animals like that.

Kevin (04:14.077)

Kevin (04:25.057)

They have like the striped tail or something. I think I've seen this.

Nole (04:27.233)

Their tails aren't really striped, but it looks like if you striped its tail it would be a lemur like King Julian from that one film. What was that called?

Kevin (04:31.957)

Mm.

Kevin (04:35.735)

The New York Pansies They're just Pansies. That's a guy's fantastic. That's wild. So these small pig things and these Cody Mundys are just running around wild.

Nole (04:37.803)

I love that guy. He he's a yeah, he's a great character.

Nole (04:46.429)

Yeah, it was really cool. Go look it up. Go look it up.

Kevin (04:48.619)

Are they protected or was there is there a hunting situation?

Nole (04:52.557)

I don't know. I'm imagining that the actually the I know the javelinas are not protected. They're kind of a pest animal, I believe. The Cody Mundis probably protected because they look cool and they live in a tree. But it was really funny because as we were standing there looking at there were, you know, there's all kinds of people looking at and the thing that everyone was saying was I've never seen these in the wild before. And they were all from Arizona. It was like a rare thing. And God blessed us with with getting to see So that was super cool.

Kevin (05:17.109)

And you were there.

That cracks me up. That would have been rad if you somehow manhandled one and brought it back for Chow at the station. It reminds me of one of my favorite stories. We had some hunter guys that we worked with at fifteenths and they it wasn't a Dale who shot a was it a pheasant?

Nole (05:30.325)

Yeah. yeah. Dale. I believe it was a pheasant, yes, pheasants. Yes. He smoked it up.

Kevin (05:36.673)

He brought it into the station. And it was probably from what I heard from our f favorite Captain Kevin Tobio, one of the most inedible meals a potsman didn't have like buckshot still in it.

Nole (05:49.624)

There was still there was still bird shot in the pheasant for sure. And it's a it's a small game bird, so it it just got a little overcooked. God bless Dale, Dale Stillwell. Love that guy.

Kevin (05:52.397)

Hurt shot.

Yeah.

But that's the opposite of Joe Barrios caught like a fresh tuna off the coast of San Clemente and brought it in and made some pokey, which was one of the more delicious things I've tried.

Kevin (06:58.079)

Okay. Hey, sign up. It's a free registration. The nine eleven stairclimb is actually on Sunday, nine thirteen. We have about a hundred people signed up. It's at our own LA County Fire Museum. And this feel this feels a lot different this year. I think there's gonna be a lot of fire engines, a lot of LA County Fire Guys, and it is a reunion of many of the fire program guys.

And if you ever wanted you listen to this and you're jumping off the fence, this is something that anybody can do. My wife does it, my kids do it. People are if you're not fit, you can do ten floors and ring a bell for somebody who died. It's a memorial. So we'd love to see ya. Please sign up and so we know how much food and drinks to bring. And there's some really cool giveaways, but it's probably my favorite fire family day of the year.

Nole (07:22.605)

Mm-hmm.

Nole (07:45.217)

Yeah. Amen. Even if everybody in your family isn't gonna climb, just sign up and come out. You can just come hang out, get free food. They're doing raffles. All the rad dudes are gonna be there. Just go sign up. Links are in the show notes.

Kevin (07:51.309)

Come

Kevin (07:57.133)

And I would encourage you that we s we have a memorial that starts at nine o'clock where there'll be an invocation. We have our pipes and drums that'll come out, and we have a moment of silence, and it's a very powerful thing. and so I encourage you to come. If you're going to come and you don't want to climb, just come at nine o'clock and be a part of what we said we would always do is never forget.

Nole (08:01.986)

Nine o'clock.

Nole (08:22.305)

Sign up.