253: Ignoring the Mundane at Our Own Peril

In this solo episode, Nole dives deep into the tension between the cultural push for men to be extraordinary and the profound value of simply embracing the ordinary—or the mundane—in daily life.

Inspired by a simple observation about a frantic lemur at an animal park ("He leads a simple life"), Nole explores the idea that while high-achieving goals (like a podcast, an adventure race, or a career milestone) are important, they occupy only a tiny fraction of our time. The bulk of our lives is spent on the ordinary, often overlooked tasks.

Using the concept of the Time Wheel (a pie chart of your daily hours), Nole argues that if your stated priorities don't align with where you actually spend your time, you may be missing the most important opportunities for growth and fulfillment. He challenges men to approach the mundane—from laundry and cooking to exercise and even brushing teeth—with excellence and gratitude.

This focus on doing the small things well is presented as a form of discipline that "bleeds" into the rest of life, strengthening relationships and fueling the pursuit of bigger goals. Ultimately, it’s about finding the balance to ensure that the pursuit of excellence doesn't turn us into slaves of busyness, robbing us of time for peace, reflection, and truly appreciating life.

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Transcript

Nole (00:13.784)
You are listening to the fire you carry podcast. This is a solo episode featuring myself, Nole Lilley. And I'm going to do my best to record the video of this. Although I can't promise that I'll actually post it. Although previously I did promise that I was going to do that regardless.

Recently, my daughter went to Orlando, Florida, to the Disney World Resort. And she was sending us photographs of her trip and she actually sent us a brief video. They were at some animal park there and there was a tiny monkey or lemur that was sitting on this giant tree branch. And it was frantically karate chopping its own tail, which it was.

sitting behind somehow. And we were laughing about it and making various comments about this monkey and its furious nature. And my wife made a comment that made me laugh out loud and has since made me laugh out loud multiple times. And she said, he leads a simple life. And that was in response to, I think it was my son asking, what's he doing? He leads a simple life.

He's chopping his tail. Well, what else is there to do? And you're a monkey or a lemur or whatever it was in a tree. And so this episode really isn't about that, although it is about leading a simple life and

I've talked quite a bit at the program and on the podcast at various times about this idea. I've been kind of calling it and talking about it in the realm of the mundane.

Nole (02:08.599)
but I want to dig a little bit deeper into.

this topic and specifically through the lens of a video that I recently watched on YouTube that I will link in the show notes because I do think it's worth a watch and I want to recognize some of the thoughts that this guy sort of solidified for me and possibly said better than than I was processing in my mind. But from the outset, the thing that I want to focus on to start is

just simply the truth that in our culture today as men, there's a push for us to be extraordinary for us to be.

different, unique. And I'm going to briefly touch on the social media aspect. We've obviously talked about the social media effect on us as men ad nauseum. And I don't think that it actually bears much repeating, but I do want to recognize that in our culture, a lot of that push for us to feel like we need to be extraordinary does come from the fact that we, if we are online, do live in this

strange reality where people do things so that they can capture them and share them on one of the social medias. And it's just a sad fact of life. Now I'm going to deviate away from that. And while that was this guy's kind of main point, how to avoid that and why I think there's other ways to look at this for those of us that don't engage in

Nole (03:57.111)
that aspect of our society. I have an Instagram account, I have a Facebook account, and I haven't looked at them in maybe a year. And I don't post on there. And I don't check them. I have no idea what's happening on them. Well, nothing is happening on them because I'm not on them. And Kevin is very similar. A lot of you I know who are listening to this podcast.

are also very similar and do their best, do your best to be disconnected. So we're going to set that aside, recognizing that that is an issue. And if it is an issue for you listening to this podcast, you know it. And I don't need to say anything more about that.

but there's still other things as men that I think we can become focused on perhaps too much. And that's kind of the idea that I want to explore.

there's still this push, this idea, this desire to be extraordinary. Maybe not necessarily to be internet famous, but to do things that are out of the ordinary, to do things that are quote unquote special. And I do think that there's a time and a place for those type of things. And I do think that a lot of times those can be a good, but I am going to talk about why I think maybe we put too much focus on that. So for me, these examples,

of areas that I find myself seeking to be extraordinary or where I want maybe that notoriety or that recognition that I'm doing something different, that I'm doing something special. Those areas are this podcast and the fire. You carry program, the fire, you carry program, the fire up program. The names are too similar. I'm not sure how that happened. Other things that this might

Nole (05:56.009)
be for you might be some large accomplishment that you want to make in your life. Maybe it's a certain amount of investment properties you want to have. Maybe it's a giant adventure race that you want to finish or some giant physical challenge or a degree. There's a myriad of things that it could be. And none of those things are necessarily bad. And I would definitely say that those type of pursuits are better than

doing something strictly so that you can capture it with your cell phone and put it on social media. They're not necessarily bad things, but let's take a step back for a minute and let's, let's just explore the idea of embracing the ordinary.

accepting and enjoying a simple life. Maybe embracing the mundane is a better way to say it.

One of the things this guy talks about in his video is this principle that he gets from some Finnish book. He gives the name of it. I couldn't pronounce it if I tried, but

It's the idea of the time wheel. And what this book lays out and recommends that you do and lead you through, I guess, the exercise of doing is drawing essentially a pie chart is how I visualized it of your day, your normal day. And so you would put in there a section for sleep, right? That's obviously going to be a huge chunk. There'd be sections in there for eating.

Nole (07:38.106)
there'd be sections in there for you know, whatever you do, exercising work, commuting to and from work, all this stuff, and then you'd be able to look at your day as a pie chart of time. And his point here is that for the sake of the argument, if I were to sit here and tell you that the most important thing in my life as a man is this podcast, I'm not saying that. But if I were to say that for the sake of the argument,

and then you were to look at my time wheel, those two things wouldn't match up. The amount of time that I spent on this podcast, while it is a decent amount of time, it's nothing compared to the amount of time that I spend sleeping and at work and exercising. And then if it's a day at home, then that time is spent with the family.

Nole (08:32.042)
cooking meals, reading books to Indy, fixing things around the house, the running the dogs, those type of things take up a tremendous amount of my time, especially when compared to something like this podcast. So if you were to look at my time wheel, just

look at it cold, you wouldn't necessarily identify the fact that for Noel, the podcast is the most important thing in his life, because the time wouldn't add up on any given day. I might not actually even spend any time on this podcast. In fact, most days, I don't

There's about one or two, sometimes maybe three days a week where I'm recording, editing, publishing, doing that stuff, or maybe pers, you know, pursuing guests, trying to schedule things, working on ideas for episodes, that type of thing. But it doesn't happen every day of the week. And when it does, it's, it's a small window. So you get the idea. So if that's true, and if that's true for you, which I mean, let's face it, it is, unless your job or sleeping is your number one priority.

then you're not spending the bulk of your time working toward what you would say is your number one priority, the most important thing.

So if that's true.

Nole (09:56.691)
then how should we approach all of the mundane things that happen on any given day that have to happen? A lot of times these are things that we would forgo. If we had the opportunity to do so, we would skip them entirely. Laundry is a fantastic example. My wife, Heather, she's fantastic. She takes care of our home.

I'm gone at work quite a bit. And while I'm gone at work, she runs the house. She keeps the home running. She keeps it beautiful and functional and safe and just makes it a wonderful environment. Now part of doing that, as I'm sure you're all aware is doing something that is one of the most mundane chores known to man laundry.

Now, if I had Heather here with me and she was recording with me, she could share with you perhaps more eloquently than I can how much she dislikes laundry. But I will deign to say that she does dislike laundry quite a bit. She'd probably use a stronger word, but she's not here to defend herself. So we'll just stop there.

Now, when she does laundry on a regular basis, nobody really notices. It's just kind of assumed that mom's going to do the laundry and I'm going to have clean clothes. Indy's going to have clean clothes. The bigger kids do do some of their own laundry at this point, but she does a lot of laundry and it's not really noticed. If she stops doing the laundry, if she just completely ceases, it's going to immediately be noticed.

And the home is going to fall into chaos and he won't have pants to put on to go outside and throw tomahawks, shoot bows, climb trees, whatever he's choosing to do that day. He isn't going to be able to do it. And that effect on the home is going to, it's going to turn into chaos. It's going to be immediately recognizable how important something as mundane as doing the laundry is. So if these tasks.

Nole (12:14.951)
that we do that we have to do that if we didn't do our lives, our environments would devolve into chaos. If they take up a bulk of our time and we recognize that they're incredibly important, right? If you stop eating.

Nole (12:32.841)
for a little while, you're going to actually feel a little hungry and then you're going to feel really good because fasting is good for you. It makes you feel good. And then after that, then you get really hungry. Then you start to get weak. Then you start to waste away, right? We have to do these things. So what if we approach the mundane with the goal of doing it? Excellently to the best of our ability, but also with the recognition that those things are incredibly important and that they shouldn't be taken for granted.

they shouldn't be taken lightly and perhaps they should be done.

with a sense of joy and purpose because they are that important. Brushing your teeth, working out, obviously sleeping, eating, those types of things. They're incredibly important. And sometimes they're obnoxious and they, they seem like they get in the way of the thing that we really want to do. The thing that we're passionate about.

that we want to accomplish.

Nole (13:42.981)
at the program. One of the things that I talk about during my, my talk is the idea of discipline and the phrase that I've kind of been tossing around in my head on this whole doing the mundane excellently ties right into the theory of discipline that I didn't make up. stole from somebody else, but the phrase is just watch it bleed. And the idea is

that when we do discipline ourselves to do the small things like make your bed in the morning, like get up and work out, take an ice bath, do some breathing, spend some time in the word of God, that type of thing. When we discipline ourselves to do those little things that begins to bleed out into other areas of our lives. And we begin to do the other bigger things because we've got this momentum because we're building discipline on top of discipline. And it's just

It's just a fact I've seen born out in my own life, a ton that when I'm staying dialed in little things and doing them well, doing them with excellence, that bleeds out into other areas of my life. If I come to work and I'm checking all the boxes, I'm doing all the right things. I'm cleaning the toilets, which we recently did an episode almost entirely about, which if, if we'd

I think maybe if we workshop that idea with some other people, they would have told us, don't talk about that on the podcast. It's ridiculous, but we don't ask questions like that. So we do episodes like that.

Nole (15:20.273)
But that idea I think bears fruit. And I really believe it bears fruit in this idea that we have these mundane tasks. We have the ordinary things we have to do. The things that if you did them and just them, you'd be living a simple life.

If we do those things well and with excellence and with a positive mental attitude that will bleed into other areas of our lives, the other things that we might say are the most important things to us. Now I have to pause and recognize here that the way I'm presenting this and presenting it strictly from the perspective of a man who wants to accomplish something, whether that's a giant Spartan race,

a successful podcast, those types of things in those arenas. Obviously there is the other big glaringly important thing in the room, which is your family, your relationships, your relationship with God, things like that. I'm leaving those aside in this discussion intentionally, but it should be recognized that

the same principles apply. And I do believe and have seen born out that when I'm being disciplined and I'm doing the small things when I'm supposed to be doing them and I'm trying to do them well, those things also improve. And I also do better at giving my wife the attention that she needs, that she deserves taking care of my kids, giving them the attention that they need and they deserve being husband, being dad.

all that type of stuff. So one of the questions that comes up in my brain as I'm thinking through this is we're focused on time with this time wheel and how it's spent. And a lot of that we're not really able to to control or dictate. Yes, I am drinking a sparkling water, which you're not supposed to do when you're doing any kind of voice work, but I'm a rebel.

Nole (17:28.046)
And I think.

that there's a very real sense in that the real value of time.

is the time itself, being able to have peace moments of rest, being able to actually have the ability to focus your attention on the things that matter. So much of my own life and I know yours too is bound up in, being busy. We're all busy. Almost every time I'm asked how I'm doing at some point in that conversation, I will talk about how busy we are.

And almost every man that I talk to and ask, how are you doing? They talk about how busy they are. We're all super busy. And when we're that busy, there's not much time for peace. There's not much time for reflection. There's not much time to give our attention to the things that really matter. There's not opportunities to disconnect, right? I did an episode a while back about just being still and quiet and the value in that.

And if we're using our time and spending our time and just being busy, we're packing it so full, we lose all of that. So if you're trying to live a simple life and do those small things excellently and paying attention to them and being grateful for even the opportunity to do them, you will find yourself naturally having more time, more peace, being able to direct your attention more to the things that in your mind, or if you were to tell someone you would say really matter.

Nole (19:06.573)
And in that pursuit of that simple life of the

Nole (19:12.793)
the ability really to slow down time and have time to really enjoy life and appreciate the small things we run into this trap. And Kevin and I have talked about it ad nauseam on this podcast, the idea of your morning routine. It's a pretty common question that you'll hear asked on this podcast and others in the same space.

And there are times in our lives where we have this routine and we're trying, we're trying to constantly dial it in and get it just right and just perfect so that we're getting the perfect amount of sunlight in our eyes and the perfect amount of ground on our feet and ice in our veins and sleep is just right. we're the diets dialed in and we're trying to do all these things and that's all well and good. And they do a lot of that myself on a pretty regular basis as a podcast listener, you know that.

But at times, like Kevin has talked about, like our friend Dave Tebow talks about frequently, you can become a slave to that and it can begin to eat away at your life, at the things that really matter. It can begin to come one of those things.

that is a reason for you to say, we're so busy. We're just so busy. So I think there are times and places where we actually would do well to kind of let some of that stuff go. And as a man who wants to better himself as a man who wants to go into the second half of my life, strong and healthy and having a good relationship with the Lord and my wife and my kids that feels counterintuitive to say,

Sometimes we need to not try to have the perfect day. Sometimes we need to focus on these other things that don't seem to have any bearing on that and just let the day be the day and just have a simple day and to enjoy that and to enjoy the peace and the satisfaction that can come with that.

Nole (21:21.827)
And then the final question for me.

And for others of you out there, you're going to resonate with this in different ways, but you're going to hear me.

But the final question for me is I'm thinking through all this is, well, how do I really do that? Because I am in this world where I have been a podcaster with Kevin for five years, and I've been part of the fire up program for three years. We're trying to do these things that are very public facing, that take a good deal of energy and time. And that

at times, depending on what's going on, actually don't allow us doesn't allow me to really fully disconnect and stop what I'm doing. Now, of course, we could take a break, we could take a sabbatical on the podcast, we could not schedule any fire up programs. But those things are really important. So to jump back to that idea that I talked about at the beginning, I really don't think that you should stop

chasing excellence. I don't think that you should stop pushing to be extraordinary. I think that for me, this podcast has been an amazing blessing and an amazing opportunity. And you guys know, we talk about it a lot. Kevin and I are committed to continuing to do this. We love it. We love the friendships that we've developed, the relationships that have happened through it, the experience that is that it's brought.

Nole (23:02.999)
The fact that the FIRE program was born out of this podcast and that has been so rewarding and so impactful on my life personally. And I wouldn't walk away from that stuff.

So I'm not saying that you need to stop and not have any big lofty goals as a man. I'm not saying that you should walk away from your investment goals or your, your goals at work with promotion, your education goals. If you're trying to get a degree in something, your goal to go run, I can't remember what they call the long Spartan race, the, the dragon, the

I can't remember. I've never run a Spartan race. If you can't tell I know there's guys you're listening to the podcast right now and you're telling it to me, but I can't hear you. And I'm recording this now you're listening then it just doesn't anyway. Stop talking to yourself in your car. You're not invisible, but I digress. So my point is not to walk away from that stuff.

I think the point for me is that that stuff is good and valuable, but it occupies a small window of my time. It occupies a small window of our time. And so we should make sure that we're focusing on the mundane and the ordinary parts of life that we're appreciating them for what they are, recognizing how integral they are to our lives, to our sometimes very survival.

and to the lives and wellbeing of those around us, especially our families, those that we care about the most. And I do believe that I have seen born out in my own life at times that when I'm doing the small mundane, ordinary, simple life things well and consistently the other areas of my life, the bigger, more grandiose goals like this podcast or the program, they flourish. I'm better. I do better. I seem to have more time.

Nole (25:05.686)
When I'm letting things go and I'm dropping balls and I'm procrastinating, putting things off and skipping things, that's when I begin to become busy, so busy. And that's when this and the program begin to suffer. And even more importantly than that, my relationships with my wife, with my kids, with my friends, with the heavenly father, those things begin to suffer.

Nole (25:33.196)
So I think there's a fine balance here. Like most things in life.

It's not like the, it's not like the saying the phrase that I've used before on this very podcast and at times have been accused of being unreasonable for using by listeners of the podcast and my own wife who is correct.

Nole (26:00.342)
But one of the phrases that I love is moderation is for cowards. And there are areas in my life where I do believe that's true. And I, I embrace that fact or that statement, that creed, but this isn't one of them. And I don't believe in moderation in all things, but I do believe there is a balance.

Nole (26:22.956)
that phrase moderation and all things. I could do a whole podcast on why I hate that phrase and dislike it when anyone says it around me.

but I won't do that right now.

So it's about balance. If we want to live a simple life where we have time for peace, time for reflection, time for rest, time for being disconnected, we have to do those mundane things. Well, we have to do them with a good attitude, with gratitude, with recognition that they're important. And then we do have to still go execute on those other things that are our big goals. The things that we want to do as men that would make us extraordinary if we could accomplish them.

Nole (27:09.065)
Again, I will link this gentleman's video in the show notes. I do think it's worth a watch. He takes a little bit of a different tact on it, but he's Finnish. So he has an interesting accent and he put together a nice video on YouTube. So go give that a watch. Support that guy with a, least one watch, one download. And then when you're done doing that, make sure that you go over to our YouTube channel. If you're not already watching this there and, and click on this video.

so that it gets a watch, a download, and then like and subscribe and comment, do all the things so that Kevin and I's goal of making this podcast big is realized so that we can be extraordinary. You gotta help us out.

I don't want that to sound like we're ungrateful for this podcast in the current size of it because we're completely overwhelmed by the fact that you're listening right now. It's deeply humbling. And I never would have imagined before we started this, having the opportunity to just ramble on about a subject like this and that

Nole (28:28.414)
hundreds of you would listen to it. Maybe more. It's hard to track stats, but I never would have imagined that. And I'm deeply grateful for it. But still you gotta go like and subscribe and comment, know, like it, share it, whatever else you do to make it grow. I appreciate you guys.

It's been good talking to you.

Nole (29:03.7)
We have absolutely the best intro slash outro music of any podcast. Hail by My Epic. Big thank you to Face Down Records for letting us use that song. It's been our song since the beginning of the podcast five years ago, and I can't tell you how much I love it every time I hear it. If you've never listened to the actual song, Hail by My Epic, you need to go into the show notes right now. It's down here and click on the link and go listen to it.

This has been the Fire You Carry podcast.

Nole (30:07.358)
the music is supposed to be playing when I say that I kind of messed up the timing. We'll see you next week.